Its been a really difficult journey. I have read so much about India and the punjab, the partition and what people of all backgrounds went through. I have also been reading about female feticide and infanticide – the killing of girls and fetuses and reflecting on my journey of being ‘female’ of South Asian decent. I recall stories of how when a girl was born in my small community where I was born, other women/mothers would say ‘Oh I am sorry’, ‘better luck next-time’. Also a big party called a ‘Lori’ would be put on if new mothers had a boy. The images, articles and videos I have watched both sicken and upset me. My MA has shifted quite dramatically and has become more personal.
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In this piece I was trying to merge flags of South Asia, namely India, West Pakistan, East Pakistan, Burma, Kashmir, Ceylon left in their divided state (1947), into one weave. Each flag becoming part of the a bigger picture. Divided and united as their histories are, even physically through the threads. The concept although in its initial stages, has promise. However at this stage, I have made a decision to move away from weave. It is a labor of love and takes years to perfect. Something which I have not got during an MA course. But a medium I am glad to have met and will shake hands with again I am sure.
Sometimes one has to really listen to oneself. Its been an interesting few weeks and I have realised that doing weave is really not the best possible route for this MA. My true skills lay in conceptual sculpture. I have always been good at using my hands. From a very young age I did pottery and had my first exhibition at 16 in Germany. At BA level, I was drawn to conceptual-sculpture. The freedom of expression was key here. Although sometimes the sculptures I created were weird, but they also were intriguing and allowed me to connect with the more imaginative and freer sides of my psyche. The side not bound by conditioning or inhibition, cultural norms or responsibility. After years of trying to ignore this pull, it has found me once again.
‘The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect, but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves’
(Carl. G. Jung, in The Artists Way: J. Cameron, 1995)